Oy.

Looking at the photos tagged of you pretty much confirmed what I already knew to be true. Y'know, the whole "final nail in the coffin" thing.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter if you sleep around or not, as long as you're a size fucking 5 and below (or at least look like it), you're going to get invited to parties and you're going to look stunning and you're going to have the camera follow you around all night because you're so fucking pretty and no one can keep their eyes off you.

Ugh. So fucking frustrating. I know you have the motivation for it, but you also have a mother who's in excellent shape for her age, therefore you have great genes and so on and so forth. I know I could probably look like that if I went to the gym as often as you did. But I have no motivation because I have no cash. And even if I did have cash, I'd be too self conscious. Blah. Stupid vicious cycle.

I just want to get out of here. Start over. Be a "normal" person. Have shit paid for me so I can just relax. Meh. Like that'll ever happen. I'm 22, edging on 23. No way in hell is anyone going to start paying for my stuff now unless I go to a sugar daddy... and while the idea strikes my fancy, it also strikes a bigger "nuh uh. never in a million years" nerve.